In 2013 I discovered the person I wanted to be, 2014 will be the year I become that person.
So 2013 was a pretty tough year for me, and probably a lot of others. I dealt with things I've never had to before, like the stress of graduating from high school, getting a high enough score into university, as well as dealing with normal teenager-y things. Like body image, insecurities, issues involving friends and school related things like stress and anxiety. But through all of it, I discovered the person I want to be. And it seems silly almost to say, yeah I didn't become that person because I was too busy, as I had many opportunities to start.
I want this year to be a year of self love. Where I put my health and happiness first. And when I achieve or even continue to live like this, I will feel content in myself, which has been said to shine out of people. What I mean is like they glow, you can tell they are happy with themselves, their life, the world around them. I truly believe that when you witness people with this, they are all the more beautiful than they were to begin with.
I went through a phase of self loathe. Lets say between the ages of 14 to 16. I hated myself. I thought I was ugly, I thought I was fat, that no boy would ever love me because of how horrible I looked. I then went through some mental health issues, which I'm not going to openly discuss, that made things all the worse. I had braces. I honestly hated myself.
In 2013 I thought a lot of things through a realised how unhappy I was with myself and decided to change that. Although as pathetic as it sounds I didn't have the time in 2013, I aim to make 2014 be the year I become the person I want to. I've given up with hating on myself. I've decided to be a happier, healthier person, whether that means getting up early and going for a run each morning or going to the gym or just eating better, I believe that I will be able to be this person. I've started thinking with a more positive mindset. Like you see perfect, slim, toned models who we forget have had a million different adjustments through photoshop and is what young girls aim to be. I've realised I honestly don't look like that, but I've also agreed with myself that I'm definitely not fat. You see all the girls asking what their body shape is, pear shaped, hour glass etc. it took me a while but I've come to the conclusion that I am simply Rachel-shaped and there is nothing anybody can do about it.
Just recently I've began thinking in a more positive mindset and I honestly feel happier, I laugh at the stupidest of things that I have done, which say two years ago I would have gone bright red and wanted the ground to swallow me whole.
I've decided this year I'm going to embrace my flaws and not hide away under layers of make up like I used to. I'd wear, foundation, concealer, powder, blush, bronzer, eye liner, mascara, sort of ridiculous now I think about it. One of my recent posts was about the amount of make up I wear. And within two weeks of posting that, it has reduced again. I've reduced it to concealer, powder and blush, it looks way more natural and healthy, as well as saving me a heap of cash. Apart from doing my skin absolute wonders, I feel more comfortable like that.
When you can fall in love with yourself, you can then share that love with someone who appreciates you, rather that you looking for love to compensate for self deficit.
This year I'm going to love myself for me. I'm the only me in this world and thats never going to change. I know I'm not perfect, but who is? I'm going to accept and embrace my flaws, think more positively, live in a more healthy way, and hope to spread positive vibes and inspire others to find self love. The only thing holding you back is you, so you've got to let go, and just see where positive living will take you.
Yours Truly
Rachel xx
